I guess I should begin with explaining WHY I have chosen to pen this blog. It's not every day that a former escort decides to bare her soul and talk about her experiences. There's a huge stigma against girls like me -- even after the fact -- so I realize that not everyone will want to read this. Mind you, I'm retired, so if you're expecting some torrid play-by-play, I apologize in advance, but you're about to be very sorely let down. And bored.
Working for five years changed me. A lot. More than I think I noticed at the time. But, no, in case you're wondering, I wouldn't change a thing if I could. In fact, I'd go back in a heartbeat if I really felt like it (or needed to), so that should tell you something. To be even more honest, there are a lot of days when I wake up and genuinely miss it. Miss the excitement, miss the glamour, miss the power, and yes, miss the money.
When you're pulling in several grand a day, it's kind of hard to go back to an office job.
I was in the shower earlier this evening when it hit me. I was shaving (yes, down there) and suddenly remembered the flurry of activity I used to go through when I was working. My morning routine vacillated between comical, depressing, exciting, and jaded.
7:30 AM: Wake up in the "clean bed." Stare at ceiling grumpy while hating life.
7:45 AM Extract self from bed; begin making up "clean bed" to look like "jizz bed." This is an art form, really, and it took me about a year to learn the subtle little tricks. Like, when you get into your new hotel room, take off the extra pillows from the Jizz Bed. Hide them in the closet for later. Pull the duvet and sheets up over pillows and tuck in pillow on both sides. Make it look nice and tight, with delineated pillows under duvet. Or, if it won't reach, pull up sheet and duvet under pillows and tuck in tightly. The main idea here is to make the bed look neat and uninviting enough to discourage guys from trying to pull the sheets back. More on that later.
7:55 AM Start shower to let it heat up.
8:00 AM Prepare breakfast. And by 'breakfast,' I mean a meal replacement bar and a cocktail. Yes, I said, 'Cocktail.' Generally speaking, I always kept a bottle of vodka and a case of energy drinks in my mini fridge. More on that later, also.
8:04 AM After choking down first cocktail and chalky protein bar, it's shower time! By now, the whole room is damp and warm from wasting water. For some reason, this feels vindicating.
8:20 AM Clean, preened, and scrubbed to a sheen. Brush teeth. Time for hair and makeup!
8:50 AM Mentally review all the things escorts should not wear: perfume, lipstick, face powder, etc. Deliberately spritz self with body spray, douse pussy with a healthy coating of 'feminine deodorant spray,' and apply lip stain. Repowder face.
9:00 AM Mentally note that there is one hour of freedom left. Make sure the clock is set ahead at least five minutes (so they'll leave early!), put on a stretchy dress (easily removed!), go out to get ice (dorm the door for a quick reentry!), and begin free-pouring cocktails. Now is not the time to be temperate... now is the time to drink.
9:30 AM Go around the room and put out fresh little tealights. Candles are flattering and set the mood, and have the added benefit of creating a 'bubble' in which to work. It makes it easier to forget later, and emotionally distance oneself from the workday.
9:30 AM (Also) Get call from madam that I have a ten o'clock appointment. Joy.
9:35 AM Lower temperature in the room. A cooler room means less sweating and perkier tits. Also, it makes the guys want to get dressed faster 'after.'
9:40 AM Nerves and adrenaline are pumping and twitching. Why am I not sufficiently drunk yet?! Begin doing straight shots of vodka. Ponder state of liver, then ignore it. Call a friend 'in-the-know' to gripe. Bitch and moan about being too sober while lighting candles, closing blackout curtains, and cuing up seductive background music.
9:50 AM Get off phone to concentrate on drinking. Begin pacing agitatedly. Pace to washroom and pour out a measure of Listerine and gargle thoroughly.
9:55 AM Begin chewing Altoids while continuously drinking. Must smell minty fresh, and not like I've been sucking down booze since eight AM.
10:01 AM (but says 10:06 on bedside clock) Madam calls to let me know my guy is downstairs. Eat a few final Altoids, plaster on huge fake grin, and mentally 'get into character.'
10:03 AM (10:08 in 'hooker time') There's a knock on the door. The curtain comes up, and the day begins!
My mornings now are so much easier. They also don't involve vodka, which is a very, very good thing. Instead, I make coffee, have scrambled eggs, and pad around in my fluffy, pink robe and slippers while waiting for my roommate to be done in the shower. I leave my bed rumpled, listen to the weather on TV, and turn up the thermostat when it gets chilly.
I do, however, still shave (everything) each morning, still agonize over my appearance, and still use powder scented pussy spray. I had never even considered it before I started working, but now I can't imagine not using it. In fact, while my shower started the trip down Memory Lane, it was after that I really became motivated to write this all down. I was spritzing myself liberally with 'pussy spray,' and the scent caused another little memory bubble to float up and burst in my brain.
And it made me smile.
But now, I'm going to go out with my friends and seek some nocturnal amusement. Undoubtedly, at least a few men will hit on me, and some of them may even buy me drinks. (I'm not being arrogant, just guessing from the ongoing, obvious pattern.) I already know I won't go home with any of them (I'm actually quite picky and reserved in my personal life), but I'll let them pay for a drink, chat me up, and maybe I'll even like one of them.
Those drinks are just a public version of what I used to do behind hotel doors. Women don't even realize it, but guys all seem to think that our 'time and companionship' is worth the money, and I happen to agree. Especially the complete strangers. I'll admit that it feels completely different with guys I know and like... then, it's actually quite intimate. I have no idea why, but maybe I'll figure it out...
... and maybe this blog will help.
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